Beti Bachao Beti Padhao

Hello everyone - Wish you a avery happy New Year and these wishes could not have been more happier - thanks to the wonderful initiative i,e BETI BACHAO BETI PADHAO (BBBP), announced by the Union Minister for Women and Child Welfare - Smt Maneka Gandhi.  As per the Minister, the scheme is set to be launched on 22 Janaury 2015 by the Hon Prime Minister,

The Minister requested the local administration to focus on registration of pregnancies, institutional deliveries (to avoid abortions), registration of births and celebration of the birth of the girl child & felicitating the mothers.  

Smt. Gandhi encouraged the DCs to develop a mechanism through informers and community watch groups to keep a vigil on the ultrasonography centres or persons indulging in unfair or illegal practices. She told DCs to ensure that Gudda-Guddi boards should be displayed in every panchayat office providing the details of number of boys and girls born in a month. She also requested to provide incentives and to recognize individuals, villages, gram panchayats supporting the cause of BBBP. 

We cant agree more with everything she directed.  We only have a little more to add.  Most of the current measures (the ones which are actually working) are directed at the symptoms and not the actual disease.  In elaborating, I am going back to an old post of mine but it is worth re-visiting the same in the present scenario.

What we are trying to stop is "Infanticide" which is only the symptom!!! Surely, no amount of Govt legislation to ban these tests would help because we Indians are very innovative at finding alternate means.  Therefore to counter it effectively, apart from the measures being instituted by the Govt, there needs to be a fundamental change in the perception of the people and the social customs in our country. 

7 POINTS TO BE ADDRESSED

 

At the moment, the birth of a girl is only taken as a double blow to the family, i.e - 

1.  She doesn't continue the family lineage 

2. She has to be married off by spending a huge amount of money.

 Apart from the two above major reasons, the others are:- 

3.  She cannot look after her parents in their old age

4.  Some of the Parents with girl children feel inferior

5.  Traditionally, she cannot light the pyre of her parents

6.  A lifetime committment is required to look after the girl even after the marriage

7.  She has to be protected and looked after wherever she goes unlike a boy

If we objectively analyse each point, we can see that all of them are imposed on the girls and their parents by the social customs and not by their choice.  It is the normal society which is enforcing all the above points on the girls & their parents in the name of our established 'customs and traditions'.

Therefore, female infanticide as we see it now is only the end product. There are a lot of social factors that are driving people to engage in this dastardly act and to really make a difference, these social factors need to be addressed first.

With regards to the 7 points mentioned above, let us examine the role of the society.

1.    She doesn't take the family name forward. - It is widely accepted that a girl drops her father's  name on marrying her husband i.e she merges with her husband's family and is no longer considered a part of her father's family.  But, is it really neccessary? There are many women who maintain both their father's and husband's name. Take for example - Ms Sulajja Firodia Motwani, Aiswarya Rai Bachan etc but these are limited to the high societies only.   The society could easily form a custom of retaining the family names of both father and husband with a girl's name.

2.    A lot of money is required to marry off a girl.  Well it does take a lot of money to get a girl married.   While the expenses to conduct the marriage depend on the affluence of the father of the bride, it is the aspect of dowry that is back breaking for many a parent.  This is the single most issue critical for the increase in female foeticide.  A boy only brings home money (in the form of dowry) whereas the girl takes away a lot of money from her parents (often all of it). 

The problem doesn't end there as the parents also have to look after the girl during several occassions such as festivals, family functions etc.  whereas, in the case of a boy, one just needs to give birth and he will surely get married and bring home some money even if he is handicapped.  Though the Govt banned dowry as illegal, it is common knowledge that dowry is given and many times photographs are also taken of money being handed over. 

3.   She cannot look after her parents in their old age.   In the present setup, a girl quite obviously cannot look after her parents in their old age.  Not because she doesn't want to, but because her husband/in-laws would not let her do so.  The same husband would instantly drop her at his parents place if they fall ill.  So, whose fault is it? it is definitely not the girl child's!! It is the society that accepts in an unwritten code that a girl (after marriage) need not go to look after her parents but must look after her in-laws.  This again requires only a change in the mindset of the society and bring in new thought.

4.   Some of the Parents with girl children feel inferior.  This again is a creation of the society only.  Every elder blesses a couple/woman to have a baby boy only and it is widely reported that if you tell lies, you will have girl children (as a punishment).  I heard this saying for the first time while in class 6 and  you can imagine its effect on young minds. Many people also take it a curse to have girl children (like in the movie devdas - in which kiron kher curses shah rukh khan's mother that they will have girl children in their house) and men are considered macho only if they have boys. This not withstanding the fact that Bill Clinton, George Bush, Michele Obama, Manmohan Singh etc have only girl children.  These feelings create an inferiority complex and often there is a discussion of 'ladki walein' (girl's side) and 'ladke walein' (boy's side) even among friends and relatives.  And we do notice that that 'ladke walein' are often insensitive to the needs of the 'ladki walein'.

5.     Traditionally, she cannot light the pyre of her parents.   Why not? Gone are the days when women were too weak hearted to light a pyre or needed to be stopped from jumping into the pyre themselves.  In the modern day era, where women have reached the moon and are heading the biggest of corporates, cant they light a pyre in the absence of any male child in the family? The present custom is archaic and needs to be changed.

6.      A lifetime committment is required to look after the girl even after the marriage.     A lifetime committment is indeed required with a Girl due to the present social conditions.  For example - a pregnant girl is taken to her home in the final months to provide her care and comfort.  But the reason for this custom is that she may not be looked after well in her in-laws house.  Similarly, the girl's parents pay for the hospitalisation expenses and delivery of the child. Doesn't the child belong to the husband also? Then why doesn't the boy's side pay?  Similar are the cases during many festivals and family functions!!

7.   She has to be protected and looked after wherever she goes unlike a boy.    She has to be protected in the present day world where even 2 year old babies are not spared from rape.  That is the subject of my next blog post.

In olden times when families and the number of children were large, it was an extremely remote possibility for a couple to have only girls. Sometimes they had a boy after 4 or 5 girls (in extreme cases)  This resulted in every family having a mix of both boys and girls.  This permitted easy implementation of most of the customs as families were balanced.  For example if a girl in a family was married off and dropped her father's name, there was another girl (as daughter -in-law) entering their house after dropping her own father's name.  However with the families becoming nuclear and smaller (with only 2 or 3 children), the balance is getting skewed against girls and with this all the attendant problems are also on the rise.

Couple this with the 'objectification' of women in the movies,T.v and the internet - we have a recipe for disaster in the name of female foeticide.

So, we need a coordinated effort to remove these thoughts/obstacles which are in the minds of a majority of parents of girl children.  Only then will wonderful initiatives such as BBBP will fully bloom and better still - such initiatives may not be required even if the overall mindset changes!!!!

(p.s:- i would also write to the ministry with my humble suggestions and I hope they will be of some use to them)

Rohtak Sisters - Video

We all saw the video of the Rohtak sisters.  They bravely fought off the men who teased them and were feted across the country by all strata of women and men alike.  The Govt also announced a bravery award to them.  They were the toast of the Nation.

Later a second video also had surfaced where the sisters were allegedly seen beating another boy.  The sisters were sitting in a park when this boy went  and asked why they were sitting in the park wasting time and not gone to college!! Consequently the sisters had apparently beat up this boy (obviously after some verbal exchanges).  Somehow a cross section of the Nation suddenly started disliking these girls after seeing that and started even questioning their intentions in the first reported incident also.

A Nation which so readily and instantly agreed with the sisters in the first instance had become  circumspect in the second instance.  This approach is confounding as it raises questions if the sisters are allowed to defend themselves only once?  Aren't they permitted to defend themselves every time their modesty is verbally or physically outraged?

Coming to the specifics of the second incident - who is that boy to ask why the sisters were sitting in a park during college time.  They may be catching up on some issues at home, college or even just lazing around taking a break from college.  Who is this guy to walk up and ask silly questions? If he was so concerned about the sisters wasting time - what was he in the first place, doing in a park during the working hours of the day? - wasn't he himself wasting his time?  He wants to be the moral keeper of these sisters but strangely doesn't set any for himself.

As a Nation, let these perverts not fool us.  These guys do whatever they want with women and when they get caught - they blame it on their dressing style, short skirts or their visiting pubs etc.  The moment they utter these things a majority of ordinary people(let alone their own ilk), become sympathetic to them and the girl ends up as the 'accused' rather than being a 'victim'.  

Let these guys and their distortion of facts after sexually assaulting a woman  not confuse us on the real issue i.e the sexual assault itself.  Let us stay with the sisters on this issue and give them the benefit of doubt (if need be).  For, i doubt any girl would go and indiscriminately hit a boy without any reason - the probable losses to the girl are infinitely more than any perceived benefits - so such a thing is unlikely in this Nation or may be even the World!!!

Such doubts about the intent of these brave girls would put paid to similar aspirations of other girls who may decide not to suffer in silence anymore.  Therefore it is important to fully back up these girls both for their own actions and also for ushering in the possible greater good.

Gauahar Khan - Beyond the slap

As reported widely in the print media, the actor was apparently shooting the finale of the reality show ‘India’s Rawstar’ on Sunday 30 Nov, when the accused, Akil Malik, 24 ran onto the stage and slapped her. Malik was  then powered by the bouncers present and was later arrested.

The accused claimed that he slapped her, as she wore skimpy clothes which is against Islam.  Though Guaahar khan resumed the shoot within an hour which is a commendable effort, the line taken by the accused must have put her a bit on the back foot, having to justify her dress code.

Now look at the irony of the situation (as reported in print media):-

1. A man first teases her on her own show

2. He argues with her

3. Then goes on stage and inappropriately touches her in front of hundreds of people and on national tv

4. Then, he even slaps her

5. And thereafter, he claims to have slapped her for wearing short revealing clothes!!!

WHICH WORLD ARE WE LIVING IN???

A man teases, touches and slaps a woman who is a big celebrity in front of hundreds of people and thereafter the lady finds herself on the backfoot just because of one statement by the accused!!

I AM FLABBERGASTED!!! ARE WE IN 21ST CENTURY INDIA??

This guy was also released on bail later!!! He should have been charged with some non bailable offences and kept in jail atleast for a few days!!

This incident would leave a mark on the self confidence and courage of several women and for this reason alone, the accused must be swiftly and severely punished.  Unless that is done, other like minded men may harbour plans of similarly molesting a woman and slap her too & then claim to have done it only because of her skimpy dress or to teach her a lesson.

THAT WOULD BE AN UTTER DISGRACE AND A SHAME TO OUR CULTURE!!!

Therefore, we must all ensure that such sick minded people are not allowed to carry out such dastardly acts with another woman.  We also must demand that the current act is dealt with swiftly to serve as a deterrent to other men.

FOR THE PRESENT, WE STAND FIRMLY BEHIND GAUAHAR KHAN!! GREAT GOING LADY DONT LET THESE DESPOTS RUIN YOUR SPIRIT!!

Family Balancing - What is it?

family balancing - the pro's and the con's

(old post from familybalancing4u.com)

this post impassionately examines the pros and cons of

family balancing without touching on any ethical issues which would be followed in the subsequent posts. firstly - the cons - a plethora of social activists, feminists and the governmental organisations would say that this would lead to a gender imbalance and a skewed sex ration.  there would be further discrimination against the girl child, with the girl child not being chosen by anyone given the current social fabric in the country.  those largely being the major cons - lets take a look at the pros.  well the biggest argument in favour of this family balancing is the joy it brings to the affected families. it would also reduce the discrimination against the girl child and actually improve the female:male sex ratio. ofcourse as with all good offers there is a rider that - 'conditions apply'. more about them in a short while.

Papa - An honour to make tea for you

A very dear friend mine who started a blog about family balancing gave it up due to lack of time and i decided to transfer his few posts to this blog as we too have a label 'family balancing'!!

An honour to make tea for you

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"Papa I consider it an honour to make tea for you everyday" said

my daughter and she is only ten years old.  She made a tasty cup of tea for me yesterday just the way I liked and I jokingly asked her if she would make tea for me everyday morning. Her reply as above left me astounded!!!! To further stretch the issue i asked her how she would manage to make tea for me as she rushes to school everyday in the morning.  "Papa I will get up early to make tea for U" said she.  I was choked for words to say anything but felt blessed to have a daughter!!

Home Diets - A new and useful blog by a friend

.................So two things are very important - the first is to maintain your body in a good condition so that, when you get what you wish for, you are still in a good physical state to enjoy it - and the second - enjoy  each day of  journey towards your goal in any small measure possible.

My endeavour in these blog pages would be to bring out interesting facts about understanding our body, working towards a stress free life, elimination of fatigue and positive life style etc - all of which you can attain with the richness of our traditional home remedies and ancient knowledge.

I hope we have an interesting journey together... 

read the full article  http://www.homediets.blogspot.in/

Rape and Honour Killing - Is this the Nadir?

I wanted to write today about the plight of the six year old who was raped in an upmarket school in Bangalore.  But such is the state of affairs in the present day world that i read about worse things happening in the morning newspapers today that numbed my senses so much, that i decided to write about those first.

Just imagine reading headlines like ' 65 year old mom raped by 40 year old son', 'man badly mutilates a woman and left bleeding for 4 hours to die for refusing to allow him to rape her', '8 year old daughter raped by father' ....  Such pathetic news would have thoroughly disgusted us a few years back but now with a spate of such incidents, we have become so de-sensitised that they are being treated as routine crimes.  Surely they are not routine!! what's making these guys behave this way? what can the society do to stem this rot? But even such rotten news was nothing compared to the next headline from afghanistan - the one which numbed my senses so much and almost made me throw up  - '10 year old violently raped by maulvi in mosque, girl's private parts badly damaged, men in family want to secretly take the girl out of hospital and kill her so that family honour is saved' (I feel like throwing up even while punching in those letters now).  How sick can u get beyond this!! This must be the Nadir!!

Though honour killing can never be justified, there is still some kind of bizarre logic to it, if the girl has eloped or got into an affair with a boy from a family that her elders dont approve of. I am at no stage saying that honour killing is justified but only saying that in the conventional honour killing (sic), the girl atleast has a role to play.  Here was a 10 year old girl who was violently raped by a maulvi inside a mosque and admitted to a hospital in a critical state - How can you hold her responsible for what happened? She is just a little girl who would probably continue playing with her toys once the ordeal is over.  But will she be permitted to do that? 

If the family men so strongly feel about family honour - why not confront the perpetrator of the crime? why attack the victim? The investigation of the rape and subsequent judgement is beyond the scope of this post. That is for the law of their land to decide. But the important point is - how can the family hold the girl responsible? Just by killing her, will it erase the fact that she was raped or the fact that the family men have failed to protect her when she needed them the most!!

This is terrible news and we all must appeal to the good senses of the men of the girl's family who decided that family honour is more important than the girl's life. Please have some love and affection for the little one! Please let her live in the name of God!.

Apart from praying to the girl's family and hoping, we all must also do something to give hope and a fighting chance to the little one.  This event must not be allowed to pass as many others.  These are times that one needs to stand up and be counted and to prove that 'justice for all'  is not just a slogan for lip service.

Friends, I think the time to procrastinate is over and we need to act and act fast if we are ever going to make a difference to this little one. please take five minutes of your time and forward this to as many people as possible. You never know how it will work.  Somewhere someone down the line may be powerful enough to make a difference.  They could be a powerful individual or the UN or a country such as US of A or even India.  Let us try in earnest!!

I pray to God for her safety and i bestow upon her all the good wishes that i have accumulated over the years. Hope she gets back to a normal life soon!!

shiridi sai baba - needless controversy

jai shiridi sai baba

i wanted to recommence writing after visiting my favourite lord at his divine abode in shiridi but  as that could not happen in the last few weeks i prayed to baba at my home itself and started again. The needless controversy sorrounding baba due to the comments  of a holy man reignited the spark  to write but what actually brought in the urgency is the brutal rape of a six year old by two teachers in a school in bangalore. More about that later.

Coming to the comments on the favourite lord of many whose popularity is soaring by thousands with every passing day - i think its best if all the religions and faiths kept to themselves without imposing themselves on others and also by not trying to lay a claim on other's gods. I am an abject devotee of shiridi sai baba but i have also prayed to lord shiva (and many other gods including visits to churches n mosques) both with my parents and individually. 

We can love and pray to all our gods and godesses without needing  to mix them up or drawing comparisons. All faiths can have their own space and retain their beliefs and there is really no need for attempts to merge faiths!! May God help us in following our chosen faiths and beliefs in peace and harmony!!

Devyani Khobragade had immunity when charges filed, case dismissed

A US court ruled that Devyani Khobragade had immunity when charges were filed and case was dismissed.  Well, if that were be the case, should the court now put the government prosecutor in the dock for  straining international relations  just for nothing!!

I mean aren't they supposed to be accountable for wrongly subjecting a woman to such treatment, bring the budding relationship between two countries to a low, cause  big arguments in both countries for/against, cause alleged security problems for their own diplomats in india etc - just because they didn't check their facts right in the first place?!! No accountability at all?!! Amazing!!

Nirbhaya case: High court upholds death to 4 rapists - but where is the juvenile?

Glad to read that Delhi high court upheld the death sentence.  but where is the juvenile who allegedly was the most barbaric of the lot and the one who started using the rod!!

True and final justice will prevail only when he is also brought to book. Till then, the issue should not be closed